But I guess everybody has their guilty pleasures.

I feel like there’s this wealth of pent up emotion that, for some godforsaken reason, I just refuse to let out. Almost like I am more at home with the grenade clenched in my hands than I am letting go. I feel like, sometimes the only way to feel better about anything or everything is to just keep it all to yourself until you can’t. You just fucking can’t. Once you lose your grip on it, you freak out and go nuclear. You have a day where you scream at everyone and you aren’t sorry. But in your own way, you had to. You had to destroy everything in your path so you could move foreward without the shit that’s been holding you back. Level the field.

Everybody says bottling emotions is unhealthy but I think it is more an exercise of patience and self control.. A way to test your own limits by forcing yourself to forget how important you are until you just can’t anymore.

Suffer the insufferable shit that the world throws your way until you’re so fed up that you can’t breathe. And in that moment of clarity, where you’re screaming at someone (anyone) because you can’t take it anymore, you become so inescapably honest and brave. You say what you’ve been too timid to say and you might feel bad about it later (because most of the time, the person you verbally decapitate never saw it coming-) but in that moment, you say exactly what you’re thinking. You do what you want to do. You’re not afraid. You are brutal and selfish in your demands when any other day, you would have laid them down to pave the path for someone else.

I keep saying You… but I think it is just me.

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